Too Selfish?

Readers, as you know i'm currently in relationship with someone. It's been 8 months now.

I was happy, well i am now. But there's just at one time that i feel so tired, so bored of us. And we can't do anything. I'm too afraid to tell him what's wrong, i feel like i've asked for too much, i feel nothing at one time, and i don't want to lose him. And he, in the other hand doesn't do anything either. He can't comfort me when i'm mad, can't understand why i'm mad, always go with the flow-he never had this spontaneus side that i wanted in him. He always said these when we were in argument;

"What you want me to do to keep you happy?"
"Fine, i'll just do what you want"
"I'm sorry, it's always my fault"
"I've never understood you, right?"
"I love you, i'm really afraid if i lose you"

Of course, you guys think that's the most beautiful lines, sweetest lines that a guy could say to his girl. And now maybe you think that i'm way over too much. Well maybe i am. Once again, i realize that i always wanted more yet i couldn't say it to him. I barely did. 

But what if i told you that in every argument he always said those and never change? What if i told you if most of the time we had an argument for the same reasons? What if i told you that sometimes he did the same mistake twice? What if i told you that he barely remember his promises?

As i remember, i said some of the things that i didn't like in him. And my friends say that it's normal, if you want this relationship to last you have to be honest with each other. Well, he changed for the better of course. But it didn't last. After couple of days or weeks, he walks out the door with the same attitude again.

I don't want him to change for me or because of me. I never want to. I just wish that he become a better person for himself.

I love him, a lot. Maybe i'm in love with him as well.
And the reason why i write this post is not because of him, but it's because of me. My stupid, silly, childish, worthless feelings that i can't explain to him. It's always me that never say anything and forget about it. Or pretend to forget about it. Just because i want to keep this thing last.

But i've been thinking.
We love each other for sure, but can we work it out with just love?
I'm starting to think that love is not enough. And i'm afraid if one day we let it go.

Readers, i'm sorry once again you have to waste your time to read my useless post about stupid love life of mine. There are a lot of important things out there for you to read and for me to wirte, but i don't know why my empty brain chose to write this one.  Whatever, i love you guys. Best readers of all time!

And you, if you read this always remember that i love you and trust me that even at my lowest point, i still try to hold on us.


Thanks for reading,
R.A