My Writing

He Loves Me, Not, He Loves Me....

"He loves me, not, he loves me, not, he loves me...."
That's all in her head
Since she woke up probably until her death
She knows it's bad
But she's just so desperate

"He loves me, not, he loves me, not, he loves me...."
The sunflower that she's holding on
Is now almost gone
She held it for so long
Until she lost count

"He loves me, not, he loves me, not, he loves me...."
The sun rises, the sun sets, light's gone, dark comes, storm strikes, fain falls
And she's still doing the same
Calling his name, when she already knew he never came
There's nothing to blame
She wants things to change

"He loves me, not, he loves me, not, he loves me...."
She stops all of sudden
A single tear has fallen
A sweet pure heart has broken
She just found out this all mistaken
That should have never happened

When I Look at You

When i look at you
I feel safe
I feel relax
I feel no stress
I feel that i am me

When i look at you
I see the light
That will lead me into brightest street
On my way to you
I see the beauty that hidden somewhere
Inside of innocence

When i look at you
I hear melody, the beautiful one
I hear rhyme, the perfect one
I hear heartbeat, the fast one inside my chest

When i look at you
I like the eyes, the nose, the lips, the eyebrows,
the hair and the face of you
Shortly i just like every piece in you

When i look at you
I know i have to figure out this thing in my chest
I know i have to smile
Just to express that happiness

Because i have got this feeling too much
Because i fall in love just when i look at you

Holding Me Back

The bird's singing appear in my ear

Cold air touches my skin

Sunrise meets my eyes

I inhale and find my self sit

With closed eyes and smooth mind

I try to blank my head into white 

But i fail, because it comes to my brain again

That memory i've share with you

And just like that, my vision is like blur

And i feel like i sink deep in the ocean

That full of your face and mine

I try my hardest to break it off

Like i don't know, it will always doesn't work

When it comes to you

Sweet smiles, sharp big eyes, shiver touches, unpredictable laughs,

silly puppy flirt, playful wise words, unknown feelings unspoken.....

Ah, no! I shall not doing this

I shall not letting myself fall for you

All those times you catch me looking at you, all those moments 

your hand accidentally hold my hand or throw it around my shoulder, 

all of those when you walk beside me.....

I'm doing it again, God i have to stop!

I can't be in love with you, i wouldn't

But....

Each time i push my best, my hardest, my everything

They can't even seem to compete 

How i already had for you

This, something behind my chest

Deep down in my heart, is written your name

Erase it, erase it, erase it!

For God's sake i have to erase your name there

It's not too late, come on i can do it!

I can, can't i?

Hold it, hold it , hold it!

Hold that feeling i have, hold my self back from falling for you deeper

Because i guess, you won't care anyway

Your heart is two now mine is still one

I know you can't make it three

Even if you can, it's not what i want

I want to be your one, the last one

Not A Love Letter

Dear you, 

We met last year but until now you still don't know my name yet
You recognized my face but you never tried to talk to me
But dear, i see you, every single day.

Dear you,
I wanna know your story
I wanna know your past
I wanna be in your future
I wanna be the first you think of in the morning
I wanna be the last you remember at night
I wanna make you a prince, only if i am your princes
I wanna be with you.

Dear you,
I never ask you to know me
I never ask you to notice me
I enjoy doing this way
I enjoy secretly admiring you, watching you from across where you stand

Dear you,
This is me praying that someday in years later, God will meet us up
In a place where there's nothing or no one's around trying to hold us back
In a place where we can be just us two
In a place where i can tell you everything i've been feeling for you all this time

Dear you,
I can tell you, this is not a love letter
I don't ask you to accept my love
Even though deep inside my heart, i hope you will do
I hope you do
I am just letting you know that i'm interested in you
That i'm in love with you.

And dear you, 
I'm not hoping you to find this crazy words i made up so fast
I'm not hoping you to read this now
Because i don't know if i'm ready or not hearing your reaction over this
All i'm hoping is you be you and i be me
You act usual everyday and i'm watching you

Untold Hearts

Our eyes gaze
Our laughs amaze
Our talks freeze the times

I smile you smile, we smile
I cry you stay to tell me your stupid jokes
I feel mad you apologize
I get bored you entertain me

If only i could write our story
I'd put you in the very beginning 
And let you live happy ever after with me

If only i could sing a song to you
It'd be how much you mean to me

But what can i do? Nothing.
I can do nothing to make me and you, become 'us'
I can do nothing to be brave, to be honest with you
I can do nothing to make this work

We both have been fooling our self
And that's what we'll always do

We let good thing slip away
We let our soul crave for each other's
We let our love ache for each other's
We let our ego step forward all the time
Leaving the unspoken feelings behind

Leave, ran away with untold hearts

Be Alone

I'm standing in a crowded of the room in the middle of human sea
Just watching everyone complaining and stress out

I'm standing on my feet among dozen of people
Pretend to open up my ear and listen to them
Pulling out their problem

I'm walking through the crowd with my eyes avoiding those glares they give me
Avoiding every word that come out of their mouth
to please me to listen them up

Why?
Can't i just be alone?
Alone in a nature place with the sound of the wind
Alone in a place that full of safeness and sound
Alone in a place where i could close my eyes, feel the air and relax

Just alone. All by myself.

No one's around trying to reach me
No one's around trying to speak their problem to me
No one's around will be able to hurt me

All i want is just to Be Alone

Diantara Hujan

Diantara hujan aku berdiri dan terdiam
Sejenak kembali ke ingatan lalu dan melihat dirimu di kepalaku

Diantara hujan aku memejamkan mata dan mengulang semua
Manis, pahit, asam...
Ku ulang semua kenangan bersamamu di ingatanku

Diantara hujan aku berkhayal
Kau datang menggenggam payung biru muda dan membawaku bersamamu
Kau rangkul bahuku dengan lembutnya sentuhan tanganmu
Kau biarkan punggung basahku bersandar di bahu depanmu
Lalu aku tersadar...hanya sekedar angan

Dan hari ini kau telah menemukan langkahmu
untuk menuju sang dewi mentari
Sementara aku disini...masih disini
Terjebak diantara jutaan jatuhan titik air
Tenggelam di dalam ingatanku tentangmu

All in You

Your eyes were sharp
Your skin was glowing under the sunlight
Your silliness caught my attention
Your smile was a beauty

Your face spread a kindness
Your hair, the black spiky hair of you amazed me
Your laugh was my reason to be happy

The way you walk was gorgeous
The sound of your foot tap was like a melody
The way you pass me by paralyzed my eyes
The sound of your voice was like a rhyme of my favorite song

Observing you became my activity
Knowing you became my drug
Imagining you be with me became my meal
Adoring you became my habit

Everything about you was like the great story of a book
I couldn't stop read it until i knew the whole story
Until i knew the whole you

All in You was a perfection for me

Mistake

We're in the same place but your mind is somewhere far
We're in the same room but we keep in silence
We're looking at each other's eyes but my heart aches for you

If it never happened
If i never fell for you
If i looked away at the first time i saw you
I would never feel this pain

If you didn't see me as friend
If you liked me the way i liked you
If you just gave me a chance to be with you
I would never waste my time

I couldn't lose you
But i also couldn't see you as just friend
This was all mistake
My mistake

And now you have her
She's all you've been wanting all the time
Now you're happy together

While i'm here, sitting in the corner
Regretting my mistake
That i've ever fallen for you

Streams

Rain fell on Friday afternoon
I was outside the house, sitting in my veranda
looking at the river

Enjoying the sound of the rain
The smell of wet ground
Then i didn't why it hit me
You came straight to my mind

I guessed i knew you were not related to this river stream
But i thought, waiting for you was

Waiting...
Waiting for you was like staring at the river streams
For the rest of my life i would keep wondering
When the water flow's gonna be end

For the rest of my life i'd keep wondering
When the fate would bring you to me
Right in the end of my waiting

Our Story

One day we met
I said hi and you replied
We talked about each other's life
We laughed
You made me laugh at your joke
That was when i realized something

Then i started to like you
I gave you codes to tell you i like you
You never understood them
But i kept try and wait

And this tricky thing made you realize
When we fought and you were mad at me
You knew that you liked me, too

And after, you proposed your love to me
It was 2 am in the morning on my clock
That was one of the happiest moment for me
I even felt, i flew into the seventh cloud

We were happy together
You said the distance didn't matter
You said i was perfect when i wasn't
You said i was your first and last
You said i was yours

We fought sometimes 
And i always begged for your forgiveness
When you never did to get mine, like the way i did to you
But that only made my love grow stronger

Then this terrible day came to us
When you said we couldn't be together anymore
When you said you just couldn't
That was when my world stopped

And after i tried to move on and so did you
There was no day went by
Without me thinking of you, of us
But last night, i couldn't hold it anymore

I contacted you and wonderfully you replied
We greeted, asked about each other's life
Told we miss each other a lot
I asked if you still loved me, you said yes
But i remembered....we couldn't

This was hard to understand
Two people loved each other 
But couldn't be together
Because of the male's parents

It was probably only 30 minutes
The most amazing 30 minutes on earth
That i might can't find it anymore
And that you were gone

Officially gone from my life
Just so you know, i'd move on like you told me so
But if you come again someday
I could get back to you

You were the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me
That for a while was mine

You left me so many enchanting memories
I couldn't just let them, or you go so easily

Deserve

I watch everyone's having fun
I watch people around me have the time of their life
I watch my friend's happy
I watch them all with people they love, and love them

Is it me?
Is it only me that doesn't deserve anything to be happy?
What do i deserve in this world then?
Or perhaps...who i deserve in this world?

Why it takes me so hard to find the right one?
To be with the right one? 
To have the right one?

Every time i have my eyes on someone
The world keeps telling me that he's not the one
That doesn't deserve me
That i don't deserve him

So who's this right one that i deserve to be with?
The right one isn't the perfect, the good looking or the rich one
It is the match one

I definitely clearly know that God gives us what we need not what we want
But when will he give me what we deserve?
When will God give me what i deserve?

Now, all i can do is praying, hoping that one day this right one is sent to me somehow
Because that's what i should've done for long time
Because i'm tired of looking



Much love,
RA.