If "be myself" is not working, who else i should be?

Hey all! How was it going on page 6 of  366? Hope it went good and for the rest 360 days. It's been so long time i haven't posted anything yet here. Well, it's because of i'm lazy, busy, tired and all... oh including fangirling. Here i am now to flow every words on my mind that i've never ever got to say in front of people. Maybe some of you got confuse why i always post rough, sad things in my life.. that's because i haven't gone through something WOW in my entire life, like MEETING BIG TIME RUSH!! So, while waiting them to come here, i might always gonna post those sad things lol. So here it goes!!

They said  "don't try to be everyone else to make you look good, just be yourself because the only one who can make you look good is your own self" FYI, that was not a quote of great people, that was mine. I made my own quote few seconds ago. YAY
I believe in that line, it kind of have spirit for soul, mind and stuff. But what if i already know myself isn't a good self? Isn't that i want? Isn't that everyone likes?
I tried to BE MYSELF but i didn't work! I still couldn't get my eyes off of my friends' personality. I always thought that they were always one step forward better than me. They always found a way to make them stand out, to make them visible. It crept me up.

I just want to somebody that people want to i'm around them. Somebody that people wanted, needed, asked to be around them. Why is that so fucking damn hard to be?
And i want them to want me as my own self! They don't need me to changing to be what they want, i want them to need me, the real me.

Dear God, i know  you made no mistake when you created humans in this world, but why i always feel i have so many mistakes in me and make everyone goes away from me? Am i that bad? Am i that ugly in your eyes and their eyes?
I'm sorry really sorry :( if this just my paranoid, i want you to stop it and grab it away from me. Because this paranoid sometimes make me feel lonely. No friends, family care about me.


I'm also sorry if i made this way over too much, i had mix feelings when i wrote about this here.

There you go! I know what you thought after you read that but i better not telling you, okay? ;)
Have a great day everyone! :D